


Can I Dream for a Few Months More?

by fiveyaaas



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/M, Gunshot Wounds, Heavy Angst, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Married Characters, Miscarriage, Multi, Polyamory, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Survivor Guilt, Whump, or close to it, this was for julia’s prompt and god the PAIN
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-18 14:49:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28868805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiveyaaas/pseuds/fiveyaaas
Summary: She stared at the wall in front of her blankly, eyes dull. The only indication that she was alive was the small pants of breath she left out. Five opened his mouth, ready to say something, but Ben shook his head.
Relationships: Ben Hargreeves/Vanya Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy/Ben Hargreeves/Vanya Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy/Vanya Hargreeves
Kudos: 21





	Can I Dream for a Few Months More?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JjdoggieS](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JjdoggieS/gifts), [ellaphunt19](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellaphunt19/gifts), [sunchime](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunchime/gifts), [Blackat14](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blackat14/gifts).



> This is the second fic that I finished in the two hours wonder sprint LMAO. Dedicating this to the same people as last time, with a reminder that JjDoggieS was the one to ask for PAIN. 
> 
> Please read all tags for this, and if any of them upset you at all, don’t read!!!!

She stared at the wall in front of her blankly, eyes dull. The only indication that she was alive was the small pants of breath she left out. Five opened his mouth, ready to say something, but Ben shook his head. 

Three months before, Five had not known if he would come home to them alive. He’d quite literally been crawling in the direction of their home, blood pouring from his stomach. If Allison had not seen him, coming to visit Vanya to celebrate the news of her pregnancy, had not used her rumor on him, telling him that he would live, he would have died. As it was, Allison had been there, and he’d survived. His recovery had taken much longer than he’d expected, and none of them informed him that she’d miscarried until they were  _ certain  _ he would live. 

He still couldn’t go to sleep without the mental image of Vanya screaming and sobbing as Ben told him, still in denial, painted over his eyelids. Five figured out pretty quickly another reason none of them had told him yet, and he’d reached for Vanya until his stitches had bled through. Grace had commanded that he be still, so he’d been forced to watch as their husband comforted Vanya, only begrudgingly agreeing to not move and comfort them both because he knew it would only get worse for them if they saw he was bleeding again. 

“Has she eaten today?” Five asked his husband now, watching their wife brush her hand against her stomach. If he wasn’t so worried that she’d lose another baby, he’d have already suggested that they both try to give her another child. As it was, they couldn’t. Not when she was already this fragile. 

He could turn back time, if it got bad enough that she took  _ drastic  _ measures, but he couldn’t justify the risk of causing the end of the world or getting lost in time and unable to go home to them with anything less severe than that. As awful as it was, having them die because of a time travel mistake or having them lose him  _ and  _ the child would be even more awful. 

Ben didn’t respond. He probably hadn’t eaten, either, then. His husband had never been a bloodthirsty person, but he’d torn apart the Commission agent with the eldritch without a second thought, knowing how to control them enough to make them suffer, for as long as they could live with their bodies being eaten alive. That had been before he’d even known Vanya would lose their baby. She’d miscarried hours later, though. 

Five set his hand on his husband’s shoulder, turning him away from the vision of their wife staring so blankly. It wasn’t going to help him eat when he felt so horrible. As much pain as Five was feeling right now, somebody had to ensure that they were taking care of themselves. “You have to eat too, Ben. Here, I’ll make us dinner, and, after, I’ll draw up a bath—”

“I failed you both.”

He flinched. “Ben, there was  _ nothing  _ you could have—”

“If I had been out there with you, you’d have been safe. Or if I had been with Vanya, keeping her calm instead of off killing that… It’s my  _ fault—” _

“Do not say that,” Five commanded him, voice as firm as he could manage when his own guilt was persistent enough that he felt like he might pass out. “Don’t ever say that. And you did the  _ right  _ thing, taking them out before they could come back for me. Christ, if they had gotten Vanya… You did the right thing, to go after them. You kept us safe, and Vanya knows that.”

“She has barely said a word in months,” Ben said, eyes welling with tears. Five remembered the first time he’d killed, how he’d shook so violently that Five had been certain he would start vomiting. And then he had, and Five had wrapped his arm around him, similarly to how he was holding him now, chin tucked into his shoulder, feeling his own tears prick his vision, ones that he wouldn’t show him when he knew how much more pain it would cause him. “What are we going to do, Five?”

“We’re going to make sure that Vanya is taking care of herself, that we’re taking care of ourselves too. And then we’re going to do whatever it takes to get better, okay?”

He squeezed him one last time, braving the walk to his wife now, knowing his husband would be able to manage long enough for Vanya not to suffer. When he set his hand on his wife’s shoulder, she glanced up at him, eyes red. 

“You need to eat,” he said gently, crouching down in front of her, taking her hands in his own and staring up at her, tracing soothing circles against her skin, hoping it would do  _ something  _ to make her hurt be lessened. It wasn’t like there was anything else he could do. “I’m going to make us dinner. Can you get out of bed? And come with me?”

“It hurts so bad,” she said, and he nearly whimpered, hearing the way she sounded so broken. He had to be strong for her, though, and he would be. 

Five pressed his forehead to hers. “And it will probably always hurt.” In the decades that he’d been alone, knowing all of his family was dead, it had never stopped hurting, at the very least. “But we need you to be here with us. Because we can’t lose you too.”

She raised her brows, expression barely changing. “I don’t want to get out of bed.”

“But will you? For us?”

“I can’t guarantee I’ll be able to do much else,” she told him, voice small. 

Five kissed her forehead. “That’s okay, V. Just getting up and taking care of yourself is all I ask for now.”

He remembered grabbing her book. It was the first day he’d eaten a cockroach, determined to stay alive for her, at any cost, knowing he might live in that wasteland for years. Five hadn’t been as determined to stay alive until he’d seen that he’d had someone waiting for him. Especially after she’d lost somebody she’d loved just as dearly. The Commision had gone after him only after he’d messed up a timeline, trying to get Ben back to them. They’d managed a few years of bliss, and he was paying for trying to play God now.

Ben had been wrong. It wasn’t his husband’s fault, not at all. It had been Five’s, and now they were all paying for it. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!!! One more fic will be posted, and I’m also about to post the update to “he wore black and i wore white (he would always win the fight)” (or as i refer to it,,, commission bitch vanya fic) 
> 
> Super sorry if you subscribe to me and just got spammed. Idk how the emails work when somebody posts a bunch, but I know that I have subscribers and I always feel bad when I spam them!!!!


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